Mastering Your Emotions: Effective Strategies to Manage Anger And Find Inner Peace

Do you ever feel like your anger controls you, instead of you controlling it?

That used to be my reality. For many years, I bottled up my emotions—letting my anger and frustration simmer inside until it eventually exploded. I would cry when I had to, but the rage was always held in check until the breaking point came. It started in my teenage years, during a time when I was constantly bullied and struggling with rejection. The anger built up over time, and it wasn’t until I could no longer keep it in that it would come out in ways I couldn’t always control.

One particular incident stands out from my high school days, and it truly encapsulates how unchecked anger can explode. I was attending a high school in New York, located in a tough neighborhood where metal detectors and security guards were part of the daily routine. We wore uniforms, but our shoes were one of the few ways we could express ourselves. Sneakers, especially the latest trendy Jordans, were a major status symbol in that school. My family couldn’t afford to buy every new release, and as a result, I often felt left out and less than others. On top of that, I was 6 feet tall with thick glasses—thick enough to make me a target for constant bullying.

Every day, I faced verbal torment. It was the same routine: the teasing, the snide comments, the whispers behind my back. I stayed quiet, I kept to myself, and I tried to deal with it on my own. But that anger grew, silently, and I didn’t know how to release it.

Then came the day when everything came crashing down. I was sitting in the cafeteria, like any other day, eating my lunch and trying to ignore the noise around me. That’s when it happened: a half-chewed orange came flying through the air and hit me square in the face. The laughter from a nearby table was immediate. I could feel my blood boiling as I wiped the fruit off my face, and the anger inside me reached a breaking point. I saw the group of teens at the nearby table, their faces twisted in amusement, and I snapped.

I stood up, my voice rising as I yelled, “Who the hell threw that at me?” My heart was pounding, the rage from years of being bullied bubbling to the surface. This wasn’t just words anymore. Someone had physically thrown something at me—and that was the final straw.

The room fell silent for a moment, but only for a moment. I ran toward the table where I saw the laughter coming from, feeling the heat in my chest and the rush of adrenaline. I was out of control, and before I even realized it, I had flipped over one of the round cafeteria tables. It crashed to the floor with a loud bang, and the noise echoed through the room. The chaos that followed was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. Students scattered, running to get out of the way as I stood there, seething with anger. It took four security guards to finally restrain me. I remember being held down, furious, while the whole room went silent.

I was suspended from school for my actions, but my parent—was furious. She came to the school, demanding to know why they were punishing me when I had been bullied every single day. She argued that my outburst was the result of years of torment. Eventually, the school gave me an in-school suspension.

For a short time after, things changed. I overheard students in the hallways whispering, “Leave that tall girl alone,” and the bullying stopped—for about two weeks. It was a strange feeling, like I had somehow won a small victory. But, of course, it didn’t last. Eventually, the teasing and bullying continued, though it was never the same after that outburst.

Looking back on that moment, I can see how important it was for me to finally stand up for myself. But it also made me realize how much power unchecked anger can have. That moment in the cafeteria was one of the moments that my anger eventually led to a turning point for me, one that taught me how to recognize and manage my emotions more effectively.

Today, I understand that my anger was a response to years of hurt, but I also know how crucial it is to find healthier ways to handle those emotions. Sharing this story is important, because I know that many people have been in situations where their anger feels like it’s getting the best of them. It’s part of the journey to realize that we can be in control of how we respond—not just to the world around us, but to the emotions within us.

Healthy Ways to Manage and Release Anger:

It took me years—from my teenage years to adulthood—to learn how to manage my anger and avoid the outbursts that used to consume me. Through personal experience and growth, I discovered that developing emotional intelligence and practicing these four key tips consistently can help release anger in a healthy way:

1. Pause Before Reacting: Taking a moment to breathe before responding allows you to process your emotions and choose a calmer reaction. This practice helped me avoid saying or doing things I’d later regret.

2. Identify the Root Cause: Often, anger is a secondary emotion masking deeper feelings like frustration, hurt, or fear. By identifying the root cause, I gained clarity and was able to address the real issue instead of lashing out.

3. Express Your Feelings Constructively: Instead of bottling up my emotions or exploding, I learned to communicate how I felt in a clear and respectful way. This not only released my anger but also improved my relationships.

4. Find Healthy Outlets: Activities like journaling, exercising, or even taking a walk became essential tools for me to release pent-up frustration without harming myself or others.

With consistency and patience, these strategies can transform how you deal with anger, just as they did for me.